About Femina Capax Dei
Sunday, January 1, 1995
The Diary of Femina Capax Dei documents the ongoing personal journey of this woman (me). It is copyrighted under U.S. Federal Law, and infinitely copyrighted under Divine Law :). Below is a synopsis that may help introduce you to what this diary is about and myself as the author:
I am a woman that has been on a lifelong journey to find God, truth; whatever name you choose would probably work just fine. This journal is my "akasha", my personal diary and book of life. :) In it is written about my real life experiences, joys, pains, challenges, struggles, hopes, dreams, failures; anything, everything. I have observed that in all instances there is direct relation to my spiritual desires and questions. In the whole of my life, I honestly have found few that relate to some of the experiences shared (including painful ones). I do not say this because what I encounter is different, worse, or better than any other; but because I observed over the years that the subject of spiritual pursuit is generally not of interest in common conversation. I am open to share my experiences with total strangers or anyone that happens upon my diary because despite not personally knowing you, perhaps there will be something resonant and found helpful. Maybe because these are writings that occur through the process as opposed to: after the fact. Somehow the details are long forgotten and never recalled for mention when reflections occur in hindsight. For this reason the writing is usually "real time"; as things happen.
The idea to entitle the journal "Femina Capax Dei" was actually inspired long ago when studying the life of the early Christian mystic Hildegard Von Bingen. Hildegard had once conveyed that 'man signifies the divinity of God, while woman - God's humanity'. Scholars of her prolific works of mystical insights have argued that this view should be seen as rather misogynist; even an appropriate reflection of societal views in her day and time. Hildegard living during a time when the concept of a 'divine representation' of God on earth was strictly interpreted to mean the man or male by the spiritual authorities of her day. Indeed, any sort of spiritual revelation was seen as valid only when parlayed via a patriarch. However, as I see it, her view of things was more revolutionary. Her statement to me suggested that she recognized the female also as representative of God, even more so perhaps on this earth as the medium through which all other creatures (male gender included) are birthed. This doesn't assert the female alone as "divine" instead of male, but rather intends the awareness that if God is truly divine, and divinity is expressed through creation, then God indeed is equally Goddess, as reflected in the image of woman. Hence, woman of god; "femina capax dei".
Despite that even in our modern day, the term "God" retains for many the connotation of male and not female, whenever I use this word in my writing, it encompasses all aspects of being. I do not perceive spiritual energy (ie: God) in terms of "either this or that", or as being exclusive to any one type of creation or gender or expression. Referencing Hildegard is a way of acknowledging her as an inspiration, and acknowledging the help I have received through her writings. And also, in a personal way, symbolically acknowledging an aspect of my own journey as a woman in search of truth in this life; where I intended originally at a fairly young age to become, like Hildegard, a Catholic nun (which didn't happen as you will infer from reading the diary). The absence of "gender specific" beliefs can be seen by equal references made here to the teachings of Christ, Buddha, various sages, mystics, avatars of all cultures, and a variety of religions, isms, or belief systems as recorded throughout the ages. I have found them all to be of help, conveying much of the same thing to different audiences but with essentially the same message. As for me personally in this life, I don't have a recognized religion or any at all. To name one, I would say the "religion" I am learning about is the religion of Love. It seems that the only real truth that there is amounts to an ever increasing experience and sharing of Love; one without a second; one love, a Divine Law. I perceive that all religions ultimately express this truth in common. In past, there was a time I studied intensely Christian, Judaic, and Hindu and other religious systems and their languages as part of my own personal process. Yet this knowledge no longer holds meaning in context of the experiential journey, which is what this diary is about.
On this point, I would like the opportunity to share that you may notice a change of tone in the way the entries are written throughout, even from page to page. This change reflects the different levels of consciousness and awareness experienced through my process, and which may create somewhat of a confusing or disjointed delivery from an editorial perspective. For example, in some instances, the writings may seem rather self oriented, selfish, expressing anger or ego driven (typically seen as "un-spiritual" behaviors); while in others they may appear as universal, inspired, devoted (typically seen as "spiritual" behaviors). But the truth is: there is nothing legitimate ever going on in my personal consciousness. I am learning through my process of things that anything that could be considered "legitimate" is really continued dissolution; what is left when concepts of subject and object no longer exist. It feels like a holographic projection of dynamics in consciousness. Therefore, this explanation is to clarify in advance that the aspect of "change" you may observe in the writings exists because of evolution; an inherent part of the process of growth. The natural way of it. I don't defend it, condone it, excuse it, justify it, nor can I explain it. It is what it is. I write things as they appear to me in the moment they appear.
Regarding site arrangement and structure:
Viewing the diary requires log in permissions. If you have permissions to view and participate, you will find the diary page to display the most recent entry I have made. There is also an entries archive with a synopsis of what the entry speaks about located on the right sidebar of the main journal. Including a chronological organization for the diary was helpful to me as the author, and I also felt it may be more helpful to those reading as it will show the entries in the order they were created rather than reverse as usually done in blog format.
If you do not have permissions for viewing the diary but would like an invitation, you can post your request below using the comments link. Otherwise, there are no other contact or comment forms here, nor do I have a public e-mail address to share. Note: All invitation requests and other general comments are removed from this publicly viewable page once received by me. So please do not be offended should you not see your message posted. Thank you for sharing the journey.
--- Signed: Femina Capax Dei, The Author. -Copyright 1995-Forever.
I am a woman that has been on a lifelong journey to find God, truth; whatever name you choose would probably work just fine. This journal is my "akasha", my personal diary and book of life. :) In it is written about my real life experiences, joys, pains, challenges, struggles, hopes, dreams, failures; anything, everything. I have observed that in all instances there is direct relation to my spiritual desires and questions. In the whole of my life, I honestly have found few that relate to some of the experiences shared (including painful ones). I do not say this because what I encounter is different, worse, or better than any other; but because I observed over the years that the subject of spiritual pursuit is generally not of interest in common conversation. I am open to share my experiences with total strangers or anyone that happens upon my diary because despite not personally knowing you, perhaps there will be something resonant and found helpful. Maybe because these are writings that occur through the process as opposed to: after the fact. Somehow the details are long forgotten and never recalled for mention when reflections occur in hindsight. For this reason the writing is usually "real time"; as things happen.
The idea to entitle the journal "Femina Capax Dei" was actually inspired long ago when studying the life of the early Christian mystic Hildegard Von Bingen. Hildegard had once conveyed that 'man signifies the divinity of God, while woman - God's humanity'. Scholars of her prolific works of mystical insights have argued that this view should be seen as rather misogynist; even an appropriate reflection of societal views in her day and time. Hildegard living during a time when the concept of a 'divine representation' of God on earth was strictly interpreted to mean the man or male by the spiritual authorities of her day. Indeed, any sort of spiritual revelation was seen as valid only when parlayed via a patriarch. However, as I see it, her view of things was more revolutionary. Her statement to me suggested that she recognized the female also as representative of God, even more so perhaps on this earth as the medium through which all other creatures (male gender included) are birthed. This doesn't assert the female alone as "divine" instead of male, but rather intends the awareness that if God is truly divine, and divinity is expressed through creation, then God indeed is equally Goddess, as reflected in the image of woman. Hence, woman of god; "femina capax dei".
Despite that even in our modern day, the term "God" retains for many the connotation of male and not female, whenever I use this word in my writing, it encompasses all aspects of being. I do not perceive spiritual energy (ie: God) in terms of "either this or that", or as being exclusive to any one type of creation or gender or expression. Referencing Hildegard is a way of acknowledging her as an inspiration, and acknowledging the help I have received through her writings. And also, in a personal way, symbolically acknowledging an aspect of my own journey as a woman in search of truth in this life; where I intended originally at a fairly young age to become, like Hildegard, a Catholic nun (which didn't happen as you will infer from reading the diary). The absence of "gender specific" beliefs can be seen by equal references made here to the teachings of Christ, Buddha, various sages, mystics, avatars of all cultures, and a variety of religions, isms, or belief systems as recorded throughout the ages. I have found them all to be of help, conveying much of the same thing to different audiences but with essentially the same message. As for me personally in this life, I don't have a recognized religion or any at all. To name one, I would say the "religion" I am learning about is the religion of Love. It seems that the only real truth that there is amounts to an ever increasing experience and sharing of Love; one without a second; one love, a Divine Law. I perceive that all religions ultimately express this truth in common. In past, there was a time I studied intensely Christian, Judaic, and Hindu and other religious systems and their languages as part of my own personal process. Yet this knowledge no longer holds meaning in context of the experiential journey, which is what this diary is about.
On this point, I would like the opportunity to share that you may notice a change of tone in the way the entries are written throughout, even from page to page. This change reflects the different levels of consciousness and awareness experienced through my process, and which may create somewhat of a confusing or disjointed delivery from an editorial perspective. For example, in some instances, the writings may seem rather self oriented, selfish, expressing anger or ego driven (typically seen as "un-spiritual" behaviors); while in others they may appear as universal, inspired, devoted (typically seen as "spiritual" behaviors). But the truth is: there is nothing legitimate ever going on in my personal consciousness. I am learning through my process of things that anything that could be considered "legitimate" is really continued dissolution; what is left when concepts of subject and object no longer exist. It feels like a holographic projection of dynamics in consciousness. Therefore, this explanation is to clarify in advance that the aspect of "change" you may observe in the writings exists because of evolution; an inherent part of the process of growth. The natural way of it. I don't defend it, condone it, excuse it, justify it, nor can I explain it. It is what it is. I write things as they appear to me in the moment they appear.
Regarding site arrangement and structure:
Viewing the diary requires log in permissions. If you have permissions to view and participate, you will find the diary page to display the most recent entry I have made. There is also an entries archive with a synopsis of what the entry speaks about located on the right sidebar of the main journal. Including a chronological organization for the diary was helpful to me as the author, and I also felt it may be more helpful to those reading as it will show the entries in the order they were created rather than reverse as usually done in blog format.
If you do not have permissions for viewing the diary but would like an invitation, you can post your request below using the comments link. Otherwise, there are no other contact or comment forms here, nor do I have a public e-mail address to share. Note: All invitation requests and other general comments are removed from this publicly viewable page once received by me. So please do not be offended should you not see your message posted. Thank you for sharing the journey.
--- Signed: Femina Capax Dei, The Author. -Copyright 1995-Forever.